Have you ever taken a step back and looked at your life and how it has turned out? If you’re anything like me you do it often and each time you’re surprised at how different things are from what you had expected. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can be unexpected.
The most common aspect of my life that turned out much more differently than I could ever have imagined is who I am as a mother and wife. I knew I’d kick ass at both things, which I do on occasion, but I had no idea how much doubt goes into caring for tiny humans and the big human who helped you create them. I love my life. It is chaotic, overwhelming, and it is never perfect. To an outsider looking in I probably seem like a big fat failure as a wife and mother, and sometimes I am.
We are all just doing our very best not to raise serial killers and to make sure our husbands still check us out when we walk upstairs in front of him. There is no right way to accomplish either of these things. This blog post isn’t about the mommy wars and it isn’t about mommy shaming (I’ve got your back, sista)! It is about how foolish we are to believe that the course of mommy-hood will ever go as planned.
Here are just a few ways that I have failed to live up to my own idea of the mom and wife I thought I’d be.
1. I’m not laid-back.
If you know me at all, you know this to be true. I’m a tightly wound individual. In fact, if it weren’t for my patient, laid-back husband I would probably go insane. I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong I was in assuming that I’d be the laid-back mom.
You know, the mom who can be found curled up on the couch, cup of coffee in hand and having a meaningful phone conversation with her best friend. Meanwhile, the kids are putting peanut butter in the air vents to make the house smell like sandwiches. It’s not that she doesn’t care and she’d never put her children in danger intentionally, she just understands that in order for her not to lose her mind she needs to relax. I’ll always want to be that mom, but that will never happen. At least not without me being heavily medicated.
2. I’m not a chef.
I always thought that having kids would instantly make me a great cook. Little Johnny would love every single food on the planet because of the fact that his mom (me) made everything taste delicious. Brussel sprouts would taste like unicorn tears (I’m just imagining they would taste delicious) and carrots would be candy in his eyes.
My kids are lucky if our chicken breasts get spruced up from the same old recipe. Spaghetti is a staple in my house because you can’t mess it up, and obviously, pasta is delicious. I’m by no means a terrible cook, but you won’t see my kids bringing leftover duck tartare in their lunchboxes. I don’t even know if duck tartare is a thing – a testament to my poor cooking skills.
3. I’m not glam.
I always assumed that after having kids I’d still be able to keep up with my beauty routine. I dreamed I’d be the wife who was always well dressed, with perfect hair and makeup when my husband came home from work. I would be in the kitchen cooking our duck tartare while rocking a pair of outrageous stilettos and bright red lipstick.
Who was I kidding? My poor husband is lucky if I’ve managed to change out of my gym clothes and shower by the time he makes it home. At least I know the guy really loves me for me, because I can seriously look haggard some days. I do try my best sometimes…when I get the chance…sometimes.
I always assumed that after having kids I’d still be able to keep up with my beauty routine. I dreamed I’d be the wife who was always well dressed, with perfect hair and makeup when my husband came home from work. I would be in the kitchen cooking our duck tartare while rocking a pair of outrageous stilettos and bright red lipstick.
Who was I kidding? My poor husband is lucky if I’ve managed to change out of my gym clothes and shower by the time he makes it home. At least I know the guy really loves me for me, because I can seriously look haggard some days. I do try my best sometimes…when I get the chance…sometimes.
4. I don’t have a hot
bod.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my body. It has done some amazing things and I feel like I’ve still got it (don’t care what anyone else thinks) even after having three kids. I take care of myself and I work hard without punishing myself over a cupcake or glass (or three glasses) of wine.
However, I had this idea that I’d be super fit and in amazing shape. I’m a stay at home mom – I thought I’d have SO MUCH TIME to get in shape! What a joke. The only reason I make it to the YMCA to work out when I do is because I can drop my kids off with some awesome ladies (Shout-out to the ladies at the Effingham Y child watch for being so freakin’ awesome) and be by MYSELF for up to two hours. Now, whether or not I’m in an intense fitness class or barely breaking a sweat on the treadmill while watching Kelly and Michael is none of your business.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my body. It has done some amazing things and I feel like I’ve still got it (don’t care what anyone else thinks) even after having three kids. I take care of myself and I work hard without punishing myself over a cupcake or glass (or three glasses) of wine.
However, I had this idea that I’d be super fit and in amazing shape. I’m a stay at home mom – I thought I’d have SO MUCH TIME to get in shape! What a joke. The only reason I make it to the YMCA to work out when I do is because I can drop my kids off with some awesome ladies (Shout-out to the ladies at the Effingham Y child watch for being so freakin’ awesome) and be by MYSELF for up to two hours. Now, whether or not I’m in an intense fitness class or barely breaking a sweat on the treadmill while watching Kelly and Michael is none of your business.
5. I’m not besties
with my SAHM friends.
I had this crazy image that when I became a stay at home mom I would immediately be best friends with at least 3 other stay at home moms. We would spend our days sitting around each others’ houses while the kids played quietly and we would drink coffee (and after 5:00, wine) and laugh and cry together. Our husbands would all be best friends and we would all pretty much never be at our own houses because so much fun was being had elsewhere.
I do have some amazing SAHM friends. I have some amazing friends who are SAHMs, but don’t live anywhere near me. Regardless, what stay at home mom actually has time for that kind of nonsense? Exactly. I’m not sure where this fantasy came from. Probably Desperate Housewives.
I had this crazy image that when I became a stay at home mom I would immediately be best friends with at least 3 other stay at home moms. We would spend our days sitting around each others’ houses while the kids played quietly and we would drink coffee (and after 5:00, wine) and laugh and cry together. Our husbands would all be best friends and we would all pretty much never be at our own houses because so much fun was being had elsewhere.
I do have some amazing SAHM friends. I have some amazing friends who are SAHMs, but don’t live anywhere near me. Regardless, what stay at home mom actually has time for that kind of nonsense? Exactly. I’m not sure where this fantasy came from. Probably Desperate Housewives.
6. My house is a
mess.
I’m not sure why I thought my house would ever be clean, let alone immaculate. I do what I can and it feels like I’m constantly cleaning something off of something, but my house can never be considered really clean. I had this vision of a perfectly white home. White carpets, white couches, white sheets, and everyone would wear nothing but white. Looking back on that vision now, I have to laugh because all of those white linens are covered in poop or crayons. Usually poop.
None of us are perfect and I’m not sure where we got these insane ideas of what a “perfect” mom and wife look like. I mean, even the mom who is a chef probably isn’t in supermodel shape because, obviously, I’d be a major fatty if I could actually cook. I’d eat all day, every day! The supermodel mom might never be a chef because she’s so used to eating lettuce all day and that requires no cooking. I guess the wine is always sweeter on the other side. (See what I did there?)
I’m not sure why I thought my house would ever be clean, let alone immaculate. I do what I can and it feels like I’m constantly cleaning something off of something, but my house can never be considered really clean. I had this vision of a perfectly white home. White carpets, white couches, white sheets, and everyone would wear nothing but white. Looking back on that vision now, I have to laugh because all of those white linens are covered in poop or crayons. Usually poop.
None of us are perfect and I’m not sure where we got these insane ideas of what a “perfect” mom and wife look like. I mean, even the mom who is a chef probably isn’t in supermodel shape because, obviously, I’d be a major fatty if I could actually cook. I’d eat all day, every day! The supermodel mom might never be a chef because she’s so used to eating lettuce all day and that requires no cooking. I guess the wine is always sweeter on the other side. (See what I did there?)
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