Girls' Nights - Before Kids vs After Kids

               Do you remember the days before kids when you used to have girls’ nights once a weekend, if not more? Yeah, me either. But for the sake of it, let’s try to remember how ladies nights used to go in comparison to how they typically happen now that we have pushed out a kid or two.

Planning before kids…
                Before kids we could decide spur of the moment if a night was going to incorporate guys or be a girls only event strictly by what was going on in the lives of our circle of friends. Sue broke up with her boyfriend? Girls’ night! Sue got a new boyfriend? Girls’ night! We have no guys to hang out with? You got it – girls’ night!
                Of course when it comes time to decide what to do, even a girls’ night in usually turns into a night out. Someone will end up texting or calling and convincing one person that your gang NEEDS to be at a particular bar because Sue’s ex is there. Then Sue starts ugly-crying and the only solution, obviously, is to go out so she can show her ex how well she is handling the break up.
               

Planning after kids…
                Planning for an evening out in general either falls under the category of “girls’ night” or “date night”. If you don’t have any family around to help out with the kiddos and (like me) you’re too cheap to hire a babysitter, then your night will almost certainly be a girls’ night regardless of whether you want it to or not. I guess there are laws against leaving small children to fend for themselves while you and your significant other go out for a night on the town. Whatevs.
                These nights don’t happen on a whim. They must be carefully planned and usually occur after the little ones go to bed in an attempt to be respectful of your poor husband who has to stay home with the kids while you go out and get wasted off of one glass of wine. You may debate on going out (and on a rare occasion you actually do go out) but mostly you and your group of mom-friends decide to stay home and have a relaxing night of phase 10 on the patio while indulging in a few beverages.

Girls’ night shenanigans before kids…
                Everyone will spend an hour or so getting ready and pre-gaming (how else will you walk in like you own the place?) before you head out for the bar. When you get to the bar you end up spending the evening with everyone you’ve ever known which kind of negates the idea of a girls’ night in the first place. At one point the DJ will play “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey and you and your friends will out-sing the entire bar: it was fate that brought you to that bar. That’s your song, after all!
                After drinking more than any human being ever should, you all decide to head home after at least one friend loses a shoe, another cries in the bar, and another meets her “soul mate”. Two or more of you sleep over at whoever’s house is closest and typically end up crawling in the window of her apartment because your friend “misplaced” her key (it was in her purse all along).

Girls’ night shenanigans after kids…
                You plan on having a drink or two, being home at a reasonable hour, and just chatting with your neighbors. In reality, you have a drink (or three) too many. You declare your love for all of your “new besties” and decide you’re going to hang out again tomorrow night and do the same thing.
                The plan to play card games is initially a good one and you totally deal the cards and even start playing. Then you all have a couple of drinks and decide to discuss everyone’s life stories, and maybe have a couple of impromptu dance breaks. You stay up until 2 am and the only reason you go home is because you know tomorrow is going to suck. It’s really going to suck.

The morning after, before kids…
                You sleep until noon. Once your ladies wake up you all pile in someone’s car in your sweats (except for that one friend who has to shower, get dressed, and put on full makeup before they’ll leave the house) and head out for lunch at a local eatery for something greasy. You order a diet coke and something tasty and chow down while discussing the shenanigans of the night before. “No way!”, “You did what?!”, and “How did I miss that?” can be heard on repeat. You then go home and nap so you’ll be rested to it all again tonight.

The morning after, after kids…
                If you’re lucky you sleep until 9:00 am. You roll out of bed and trudge downstairs. You smell coffee and almost puke at the smell and then the kids see you. They call your name with what seems to be the loudest voice you’ve ever heard. When did their voices get so LOUD? Why are they hopping around so much? When did you develop motion sickness from watching someone jump up and down like a freaking rabbit with a cocaine addiction?
                You then swear to yourself aloud, “I’ll never do that again. Never ever ever.” You put Frozen on and pretend you don’t smell like a brewery and convince your children that a nap is in order. You’ve only been up 5 minutes and you already don’t know how you’ll make it through the day.

                What do you think? How have your girls’ nights changed in the years since you’ve had kids? I think even those of us who don’t have kids can relate to this one. Six years ago I could hang! Now, after a night of drinking, I could hang myself.

                On that note, I must go get ready. Having a girls’ night at my neighbor’s tonight.